10 4 / 2014

We’ve both been pretty stressed because of school and the approaching summer and the train that is our futures, but in regards to whatever it is that we have going on, it’s been good, mostly

I’ve been dealing with some really frustrating ace days that start shortly after we begin something, and also with killer headaches that interrupt us, and I feel insanely guilty for not being able to do things for her.

Other than that though, things have been pretty damn great.

I can kiss her when I want, even if I’m still scared to do so, and almost every night now she’ll be with me in bed for a little, if not fall asleep and stay.


I want to know, though, what we are.


Like, it’s not a huge deal, but I like knowing what’s going on, and since she’s an important part of my life, I’d like to know how to view our relationship to one another.

We’ve said on several occasions that we’re basically in a relationship without the romance element, but what does that make us? Are we in a relationship then? Or do we just have this thing going on that we can’t classify? I’m fine with whatever, but I want to know and it’s difficult to figure out when she keeps shying away from the conversation.

I also kind of don’t want this to be super hidden from our friends anymore. Not like shove it in people’s faces or whatever, but I want to be able to act the same in most situations, and I want to be able to have one dynamic with her (tuned to the situations, obviously, but the same dynamic).

I mean, for one thing we need to tell our housemate next year, we’ve already discussed that.

I like what we have. I hope she does too. I’m just scared she’s embarrassed by this.

If she’s not, then it might be nice to tell at least a few of our close friends.

If she is, then we should stop.

06 3 / 2014

I want her

Read More

23 2 / 2014

I can no longer be used in ritual sacrifices

What a relief

21 2 / 2014

Anonymous asked: Hey, I just want you to know I love your blog so much! I think you are so inspirational to talk about your feelings so openly and you have helped me reduce the stress I have. Me and my girlfriend are very similar to you and your friend and it helps so much to have an insight on someone's life who is also dealing with the same worries as me. I wish you every luck for the future and although I hope you two will one day marry, just mind you don't get hurt ok? Keep up this wonderful blog! Lara xxxxx

Aw, thank you Lara!

I know how much it means to find someone you can relate to, to know it’s not just you going through these things. I’m very glad I’m able to help =)

If you ever want to chat or anything, feel free to message me on here, it’s also nice to know someone is going through similar things!

I (we) wish you the best and hope things go well with you and your girlfriend


Much love,

Friend (and Benefits, who is sitting across the room trying to find her socks)

20 2 / 2014

04 2 / 2014

We’ve got no school tomorrow, thanks to a snow day

I really want to keep her up tonight

She’s so fucking attractive, I just want all of her right now

02 2 / 2014

06 1 / 2014

She’s coming to visit me on Saturday!

Saturday-Tuesday morning she’ll be at my house, then we’re flying back to school together.

My mother is convinced we’re in a relationship and is hiding her fears behind a question my brother asked.

We’re probably not going to be able to be too physical, but we’ll see…

21 12 / 2013

Well it’s winter and we’re in two separate states again, only this time it’s for a month, not just three days.

Which sucks an unbelievable amount

But the last few days before I had to fly home, they were really nice. She actually ended up sleeping in my bed twice, something she’s never done before.

Actually, last year, when she had a single, a lot of the time I would end up just staying the night in her room and leaving at like nine or whatever. It’s really comforting to have someone there, I’m really glad she decided to stay the night.

I just wish she were here now.

06 12 / 2013

I was not expecting anything to happen last night

Instead I went to bed at 5-something

It’s fascinating, actually.

I thought I knew what it was like to want someone but holy shit I did not and last night changed that.

Last night was a really really really good night.